Do You Want to 'Be' Happy?

Mike Corthell, Editor & Publisher

Guess what? You have to actually WANT TO BE HAPPY. 

This requirement is not as easy as it seems because many people, perhaps you, are secretly afraid to feel good.

When you see yourself as a wounded person, coping with depression is a way of life. If you were to become a truly happy person, your sense of self would have to radically change. That kind of transformation is a threat to your ego, which is in charge of developing and maintaining your identity and personality. Even if your pain has influenced your decisions and behaviors to your detriment, over time it has also paid dividends, including sympathy, attention, and a feeling of importance. Whatever caused it, your pain has helped define who you are being.

If you truly want to be happy, but just don’t know how, this Practice can be a powerful turning point. You will have to summon the courage to leave your claim to pain at the door, at least, a little bit at a time. I’m not saying you can’t understand your problems or take steps to resolve them. I am saying you have to be more interested in feeling good than in feeling bad. You absolutely have to stop complaining, criticizing, and condemning yourself and others.

If you truly want to be happy, you have to learn to see the long-term big picture. You have to reach for a better future, laugh more, feel more, smell the flowers and the coffee and, if you are inspired to do so, help others get through what you’ve been through.

Most importantly—and this is the hardest part—you have to let go of the part of your identity that feels like a wounded person. Ultimately, focusing on your pain sabotages your happiness because you keep attracting more of what hurts. While it helps to understand why things happened and learn from your experiences, as long as your pain dictates who you are being, the power to create the life you want will elude you.

The greatest relief is not caring about it anymore! Nothing feels better than empowerment. To claim it, you have to stop playing the victim and be your own hero. Worrying, complaining, and criticizing can no longer be part of your operating agenda because what you focus on expands. You have to exchange the payoff you get from “drama-vibes” with the payoff you get from “higher-vibes” that attract what you truly want.

Instead of wasting your energy worrying about what others are doing, focus on what you are doing and how you are feeling. To be a conscious creatorfeeling good, especially about yourself, has to be your highest priority. It’s the only way to attract the good stuff because like attracts like.

It’s Not Out There

You also have to understand that what you want isn’t out there. As long as your happiness depends on other people or conditions you will never be happy. If you are waiting for “someday,” when “x” happens and then you’ll be happy, you are actually waiting to die because “x” is never going to happen. Like attracts like, and you cannot attract the energy of what will make you happy if your energy is not in accord with it.

Even if you manage to pull things together for a while, those things will change too. Life is organic. People and things change. You also grow and evolve, so what you want evolves along with you.

I used to be miserable because I thought no man would ever give me the love I needed to be happy. I felt that way because I was busy focusing on my imperfections instead of appreciating my own gifts and talents. While studying the Law of Attraction, I “got it” that no man ever could give me what I needed. I had to be happy with myself before a man could be happy with me! (Relationships 101, yes — but it applies to this Practice.)

If you are miserable or impatient during your journey, how does that benefit you or anyone else? If you are joyful, steadfast, optimistic, connected, and confident, then your journey is a great experience for you and an inspiration for those you meet along the way.

So how do you become joyful, steadfast, optimistic, connected, and confident?

Quite frankly, every day, every hour, every moment you realize you are thinking thoughts that don’t make you feel good you have to give yourself permission to choose to think happier thoughts, again and again, until you feel better.

If you make a mistake, instead of feeling bad about it, you could see yourself a year from now telling a friend what you did and laughing about it. See yourself explaining the lesson you learned and how it kept you from making a bigger mistake later on. It doesn’t matter if your happier thoughts are visualizations or memories, what matters is the direction your energy is flowing—toward what you want, not away from it.

If you knew you could have what you want most in life, but only if you turn away from the train wreck in your mind and instead look at the beautiful sunset in front of you—would you make that choice? Can you trust that if the train wreck needs your attention you will be inspired to take action?

You’d have to really want something to make those kinds of choices for any length of time. You’d have to trust, really trust in the process and stop trying to control anything other than the choices you make in the thoughts you allow yourself think.

If you believe in praying to God, then “give it to God.” Once you’ve given control to God, stop taking it back. Worrying about it is an act of doubting God, and/or doubting your worthiness. Either way you stop the flow of good things.

Your thoughts create your reality. If you are ready to think happier thoughts, the following acts of courage will help you prime your attraction pump. Soon enough, you will feel better and inspired to keep your energy and your thoughts aligned with your dreams.

Step Away from Cluster Dramas

Watch out for cluster dramas and step away when you see one coming. If you find yourself in the middle of a fault finder or pity party, make your exit as quietly and swiftly as possible. The object is to avoid the negative energy and keep your energy flowing in the direction you want to go.

Don’t start one either. Saying negative things about yourself may get you attention, but it only brands you as wounded person and holds you there. Talking about others may get you attention, but the only time it wins friends and influences people is when misery is looking for company.

Of course, feeling angry is better than feeling frustrated and it prompts you into action. But making someone else wrong so that you can be right, or participating in such conversations, only sabotages your energy. It’s like a drug that gives you the illusion of being superior. In reality, it lowers your credibility. Consider what happens to the quality of your energy when you are tearing down instead of building up just to fit in.

Talk to people about anything other than your problems.

If you are sharing your problems, you are expanding them. The only people you should talk to about your problems are the people who can do something about them. And when you do, be brief, be clear, be straightforward, stay on the subject, be specific, be surgical, and be optimistic. Go into the conversation with the expectation that you will get the validation, support, and relief you need to let go of the drama and get on with your life. State your objectives clearly and stay focused on your goal.

If you are in a type of therapy that isn’t helping, try something else. There are plenty of personal development and life-reinventing resources that are not victim or label oriented and worth the cost of admission.

Think about God instead of your problems.

What an idea! The next time you feel yourself getting upset, read Emmet Fox’s “Golden Key to Prayer.” It is one of the best ways to shift your energy I have found. It works every time if you follow its guidance.

The highest form of prayer is when you thank your Creator for what is seen and yet unseen. Make it your habit to go to God with gratitude; He already knows what you want.

Follow your blissful passions.

If you haven’t read Joseph Campbell’s work on mythology you are missing a delightful, mind-blowing opportunity to delve into the underpinnings of why people do what they do. His insights into the nature of myth led to his famous quote, “Follow Your Bliss,” his favorite advice to students. Joseph believed if you follow you bliss, the rest will follow.

I include it in this Practice because one thing all conscious creators have is a consuming passion. Some might call it a purpose. I call it your desire to give the world your greatest gift.

Whatever it is that consumes and enthralls you is waiting for you to do something with it. For example, the brother of a college instructor I knew spent his adolescence reading comic books. He wasn’t interested in going to school and his parents were worried. Turns out, he opened a small comic book stand, which led to a small store, then several stores, and he now makes more money than his sister and parents combined. But what matters to him are the comic books and fellow fans he is surrounded by every day! This young man didn’t listen to what others told him. He didn’t feel invalidated and he didn’t get mad. He simply put his heart into what he loved and the rest followed.

Just be careful to pursue your own blissful passion. Sometimes we are compelled to meet someone else’s expectations for us. It may seem like what you want, but if it is not in the top three things you’d do if you could do anything you want, then it isn’t your true passion and it won’t be your greatest gift to the world.

Turn off the TV

What’s more depressing than the evening news? My ex-husband used to watch it in bed, so I had to listen to it. That was then. In the years since, not knowing what’s going on in the world is a blessing and a relief. I feel better, which means it’s easier to stay happy and focused on what I want. If something is critical for me to know, I’ll hear about it from the people around me. Another reason to give up the news is that you won’t be adding your upset energy to the world’s problems.

Other than a few exceptions, television programs and movies are entertaining because they stimulate your emotions without making you think or imagine for yourself. They are like eating white bread…tastes good but isn’t good for you.

The media affects your energy. Watching violence “twangs” your emotional strings as does watching a triumphant love story. Which way do you want to be twanged?

The absolute worst thing about television is the time you waste watching commercials. Not only are you are giving your valuable time to those who want your money, they use fear tactics to promote their products and fill your head with thoughts of disease and disaster. If you want to relax in front of the tube, choose shows that make you feel good. Better yet, record them and watch them later so you can skip the commercials!

An easy way to entertain yourself and catch a higher-vibe is to read books and listen to recordings that help you remember who you really are. Comedies and inspirational movies are an option, especially if you are trying to climb out of an emotional funk.

There are endless ways to keep your energy flowing toward your desires—listen to music, exercise, meditate, hug your children, take classes, dance, sing, go on vacation. I realize that these simple choices may take enormous courage at first, but if can approach each day in terms of fine-tuning your preferences rather than going cold turkey, you will move toward activities that enhance, not lessen, the quality of your energy.

Embrace the Magic in Forgiveness

No discussion on overcoming depression is complete without addressing the subject of forgiveness. In terms of the Law of Attraction, forgiving yourself and/or others means letting go of negative energy and embracing your empowerment. It means remembering who you are. It's about the courage you need to leave your claim to pain at the door and to focus only on what you want.

I’ve heard it said that if you have something to forgive (a claim to pain) it means you have been a victim on some level. But when you Rememberwho you really are, and who everyone else really is, there are no perpetrators and no victims because no one is ever truly hurt. Remorse, blame, and regret just get in your way.

Of course, if you want to apologize for something you’ve done, do so and get on with your life. If you want an apology, ask for it and get on with your life whether you receive it or not.

What matters is shifting your energy to the positive end of the spectrum and keeping it there, where the good stuff can’t help but find you!